Splintered

There are things in life
I shall never get to hold.
Like the feeling of a warm blanket
Wrapping around my heart when it is cold
Or better phrased, when I am alone
No one to call my own
Or my home, but I don’t believe that sort of thing
yet.
There is one day, the defining moment
In my lonely existence
Where you forever become a component
Of my somewhat promising existence.
You are there
and I am there
And at that moment, I do not think life is being fair
Because how are you standing there
Embodying perfection in all its forms?
It is like you are on stage, always ready to perform
Those big brown eyes of yours
always dashing from face to floor.
When you see me staring
I think you are silently daring
me to take a step closer to the fire
To stop living my life in the quiet.
I never play truth or dare at parties
and I am certainly not going to start

Playing the game with real hearts
The consequences could start something I do not want to start.
You ignore it
I have learned that you ignore everything
and try again
Which I really like about you
Your persistence to do what you want to do
In the way that you want to do it too.
I like that a lot
Even though right now, the weather is very hot
and I am very upset when the temperature is high
Partly because I find my comfort in the cool of the night
Partly because the beads of sweat on my head are always getting in my eyes
But mostly because you are never wearing your favourite sweater
which might be my favourite sweater
But you are the only one who could be the wearer

You dare me again
and this time I accept
The challenge before my mind
Up the mountain, I start to climb.
Except, it is not really a mountain
because you make it extremely easy
To behave as if you are the only thing that could do.
You are more like a lake
for my fickle soul
You have become the mould
For future, past and present

You, I could never resent
everything I am
everything I can’t and can
truly become.
You are the sun
Bright and shining
Always blinding
The vision of you
Is something I never want to lose
And into the whole hole, I go
leaving my pride and ego on the shores of my past
But I do not need them
You are far too kind for me to ever leave.
If you are the moon
can I be a star?

You hold them everywhere
Contentment agrees with me
because this feeling in my heart is not for nothing
it most certainly means something
it could mean I have cardiac issues
or it could mean that I did not pick the healthy choice on the restaurant’s menu
or it could mean
and I hope that it means
you are the one person I cannot bear to lose.
If I lost you, I would lose myself
and the cycle continues, forever modelled
on the destruction of hearts

and those who cannot bear to be apart
or in simple words, people like us.
You have always taught me – the sinner is never going to be a winner.
For what we will turn into
how we will rise anew?
We are shattered glass pieces on the floor
scrambling to come back together.
Because you are not a sinner, because you could never be a sinner.
That is where one could find contentment
in its pure form, happiness was there too.

Natalie Lusenaka