She looked at herself in the mirror; a girl who was “Oh so respected,” and loved by many, never caring about what the others said. But today, looking at her now, she hated her “Oh so desolate” life, wondering how, why and where she went wrong. She wasn’t the best of humans but not the worst either. She asks God, “….please take me out of this earth, of this life, I am done, I can’t go on anymore, don’t you think I have suffered enough!”
Friends have turned their backs on me. They say family is forever but it is all a lie. If it was forever, why did they turn away? Why don’t they believe me? Where are the friends that I trusted with my whole heart and given everything there was to give?
Lately, the whispers behind my back have been getting louder, talking about, “…ohh she did this.” The voices in my head getting louder and louder telling me to just end it here.
Why? Because I dared to care? I care how they look at me. I care what they say about me. I care! I have tried countless times to stop but can’t. When people are asked, “What is your worst habit?”
Most say: lousy handwriting, and biting nails but mine is caring. For me, I care so much. I just want it to all stop… all the blabbering…all the side eyes…all the whispering. Why can’t it all just stop?
Today I stand here looking at the girl who was once fearless and loved herself “Oh so much,” wondering what happened.
“What did they do to make her stop loving herself?” I wonder. Why have I given them that power? I loved them with all my heart and soul. I was ready to die in their place, and a friendship I cherished so much, all crumbled and was thrown away. We are always told to forgive and forget. How am I supposed to forget? My trust being torn to pieces, my love being launched out of my heart, my comfort being burned in flames?
Remembering all the times of amusement filled with laughter to find out it was all pretend play. Why was I so stupid to fall for all this sorcery? To think they wanted to be my friends, and that they were going to be with me till the end… “ride or die,” we used to say. Talking about future plans together: how we were going to have a massive party for our graduation. It seems like they have graduated in life and left me behind. Now I have been replaced!
In the hallway we once walked together, now I walk alone. Hallways that were once filled with laughter and joy now are filled with sorrow and depressed thoughts of loneliness.
Oh! To have the life I once had, to have the friends that were my comfort, to have my best friends back! She said she was never going to leave me, making me believe we were going to be friends till the end of time; making me believe that you will always have my back, but it was all a lie. All the laughs, all the smiles, everything was a lie. You, whom I trusted with my whole life, with whom I could express my feelings, my comfort place, my home. I can tell you’re the worst mistake I ever made. How could one secret ruin my entire life, ruin my trust, ruin the way I look at myself?